If I Choose You
by buddykilla
Summary: What if Caliban (John Clare) had found an immortal before Lily was made? What if it was a woman and what if she found him first? Farina is the last Dark Fairie - a creature that feeds off the misery of others and controls the darkness of all things but with the miserable lonely Caliban she wants to replace her sinful meals with what he desires - poetry and love.
1. One: Strange Dreams, Dark Memories

If I Choose You

Buddykilla

The pale faced creature gazed at the rehearsal below as the scene progressed. As the next line was spoken Caliban readied himself on the pulleys which, much to his terror and the actor's dismay had stalled. The male lead, Simon began one of his usual fits.

"Get me down!" Simon hollered. His lover, Maud spoke up attempting to calm him. Caliban reversed the pulley and lowered him down.

"What's wrong?" The troupe leader, Vincent called.

"Sorry Vincent." Caliban muttered.

"I'm not going up there if he can't get the fucking pulls right!"

"Simon," Maud insisted. "Stop it."

"Sorry Simon; won't happen again." Caliban said lowly. Simon immediately dismissed his words with the same arrogance as usual. Letting his hatred for Caliban be well known to everyone in the room which caused them to erupt in laughter– even Vincent was laughing at him. Caliban glanced around his surroundings fearfully finding only faces and laughter at every turn.

Caliban woke with a start. He was breathing heavily trying to regain himself when a cool rag was placed against his cheek. He turned in alarm to a young girl with a damp rag in her hand. Caliban felt his breathing stall almost immediately. She was a vision; pale tan skin, vibrant hazel eyes like a forest at sunrise, full rosy lips, and a pale flush on her cheeks, but what stood out most was the crescent moon birthmark on her neck. She was wearing a bilious black dress that fell in a fluttering heap around her bare feet. She was completely beautiful.

"Are you alright?" She asked timidly. "I'm sorry if I startled you, but I got worried seeing you twitch about like a trapped rat."

"I… I'm fine ma'am." Caliban said turning away.

"Farina." The girl said.

"What?"

"My name. It's Farina Adagio." Farina said extending her hand.

"I'm Caliban." He took her hand and shook it gently. She smiled at him then. It was an angel's smile. Farina dabbed the rag against Caliban's cheek. Gently dabbing away the beads of sweat that had formed across his face. She held his hand in her own as she worked to soothe him. To Caliban eternity seemed to stop and it was just the two of them. They weren't speaking just interacting.

"Is that better?"

"Yes, thank you ma'am."

"Farina. Call me Farina. Okay Caliban?"

"Of course… Farina."

Her soft hand cupped his cheek. "Go back to sleep Caliban. You'll feel better when you wake up, I promise." Farina whispered sitting down beside his bedding. He glanced around seeing not his former theater cellar home but the cholera infested tunnel-slums he moved into only days before. Although he had much to concern himself with Farina kept him at an uncanny calm. He felt almost safe around her.

She placed a cool hand on his shoulder pulling him downward onto his back and set the damp rag across his forehead folded neatly into a triangle although Farina sensed something was off. Caliban flinched at the contact and his body tensed at her gentle touches. She frowned slightly at the obvious discomfort and she worried she was the cause. She didn't fail to notice the scarring down his face that he had attempted to hide behind his sleek onyx locks. She felt a twinge of guilt and shame and came up with another idea.

"Don't worry and don't be afraid. I won't hurt you Caliban. My mother did this for me when I was little." Farina placed her hands on the sides of his head and rubbed gently.

"Did you have a nightmare?"

"Yes."

"It rattled you?"

"Yes."

"Would it help if I sang to you? I'm quite good."

"Sang?"

Farina nodded. She took a moment to clear her throat. She moved her hands around his shoulders soothing his fears as she began her lullaby.

 _Soft and sweetened as the fruits of spring._

 _I seek a sparrow – young and free._

 _One that will linger forever in me._

 _Making a symphony only I can sing._

 _Oh such a raven and songbird compare_

 _That the sparrow's proud voice as it fills the air._

 _Twitter and chirp and so boldly call_

 _Out to the world till there's no voice at all._

Caliban sighed at the sound of her voice. It was like an angel had descended to ease him. Her warm digits caressing his neck as she sang in a clear voice. Each note seemed to rock him further into a peaceful sleep. He could feel darkness begin to fill his vision and his mind and body were going numb and heavy.

"You… have such… a… beautiful voice." Caliban murmured before he dozed off again. Farina stared down at him while he slept. He was completely calm and relaxed against her hands. She glanced at a young woman in a black dress staring at her from across the way. She was a volunteer handing out food and drink, the tray poised firmly in her hands. Farina couldn't see much of her face due to the surgical mask, a protection from the rampant cholera filling the air they were breathing, but her eyes gave away her smile all too easily. Farina stayed through the night her nails slightly pressed into her companion's body as she filled herself with his fear and sorrow. A sustaining meal for any Fairie of the Dark Court. She needed his anguish and the light of the moon to live but his pain tasted different. It was not sweet like a broken heart or tart like as if he had been lied to. His pains tasted bitter and metallic like poisoned water and Farina knew immediately that his pains were both great and uniquely destructive.

'What a poor man.' She thought. 'What has caused him this flavor?'


	2. Two: To Connect and Remind

If I Choose You

Buddykilla

Caliban woke to the sounds of the Tunnel Slums, but Farina had vanished from sight. He sat up pondering if her image was a dream or not until a rustling sound pulled him from his thoughts. He glanced down to see a folded paper slipped into the lapel of his coat. He opened the paper to find a letter written in a beautiful script. The letter was addressed to him… from Farina. 'So she wasn't a dream.' Caliban thought happily. He read her note silently, hearing her voice repeat the words on the little page:

 _Sweet Caliban,_

 _I apologize for leaving you a note instead of saying goodbye but I had an early morning errand in the East End that I couldn't set aside again. I'm happy to have met you and helped you. You have such a pained face my dear, I don't understand it. You have such a strong elegant persona and yet you seem so agonized, but I want you to know that you're not alone. You and I are not so different. Please remember this Caliban if anything else – Everyone has their scars some people are just good at hiding them. You and I are not my body was scarred too. So was my heart with it. Please never lose hope, there is a reason it never left Pandora's Box and I will never leave you. If you ever need me I will be there for you.  
Sincerest Wishes,_

 _Farina_

Caliban read over the words again and again. Tears fell from his eyes as he read the letter. He never knew that someone could understand and want to be near him. That a woman he hardly knew would care and want to ease his suffering. Farina wanted that too; ending his pain and consuming it. She sensed he wasn't any ordinary human and she was right. She had left him to rest and shifted her form into a crow to follow his movements. She could not have expected him to be immortal, just inhuman. But he was an immortal man brought back from the grave by a man named Victor Frankenstein. A scientist who had dabbled in cheating death more than one time. Caliban had serviced his creator into crafting him an immortal woman, a mate, a bride to be with him forever. Farina flew away at night to the nearby countryside where her own creator had lived. Farina had been an artificial creation, like Caliban, to cheat death but instead of using science her creator was a witch who had used Fairie magic to make her from a corpse. She understood where this would go and a foreboding sensation filled her. She remembered when her creator had died attempting to make her an immortal mate as well. No good comes from tempting fate and the natural order and Farina knew this well. She shifted into her true form as she stepped onto her old homeland. Her ivory wings spread from her shoulders, her dark hair turned silver and her hazel eyes became crimson as her tan skin shaded into crackled clay brown, and brown twisted horns sprouted from her temples and folded against her hair.

"Oh Caliban, you know not what shadows you dance with." She sighed before stepping into her home. She had spells to research and circles to cast.

Days had passed and Caliban had not seen Farina and he began to worry. Her errand must have involved travel or perhaps work of some sort, but he couldn't let his worries distract him. He wandered through the grimy London streets darting his eyes in every window looking for a hiring notice. It was the fourth day in a row he had gone out of hiding in search of work and he was hoping he would be able to find some today. He began to worry though, it was almost four in the afternoon and nothing caught his eye.

"Caliban!" Caliban froze. He remembered that voice from heaven. He turned to see Farina dashing to his side from across the street. She had a steaming bread loaf tucked under her arm and her same black dress swayed majestically around her ankles. Seeing her standing gave him a full view of the young woman. She held obvious curves and moved like a dancer through the mass of passerby. Her midnight locks whipped around her slender neck and gentle framed face. The light outside highlighted her eyes to a brilliant yellow color. Farina smiled as she came up to him.

"I didn't know I'd be seeing you today."

"I was just taking a walk."

"Really; on a cloudy, grim day like this?" Farina gave him a skeptical look.

"I prefer clouds."

"To hide under during the day, right?" Caliban looked at her in surprise. Her expression showed no pity but understanding and sadness.

"Yes. How did you know?"

"I guessed Caliban."

"John Clare."

"I'm sorry."

"My real name is John Clare." Farina smiled at that. She stepped to his side and wrapped her free arm around one of his. He flinched at the contact before relaxing. Farina smiled still, her eyes blazing.

"May I walk with you?" She asked weakly. John glanced at her, confused by her sudden changed. It was as if she was afraid he would say 'no' and send her away.

"No. It's fine Farina."

"Thank you John. Or do you prefer Mr. Clare?"

"John is – well – it's fine."

They walked in slow, quiet, casual conversation with their arms linked and chewing a few bit of the bread loaf Farina carried.

Victor Frankenstein left a small flat; with a sick child he recently treated, only to notice the most unusual sight. He saw his first creation walking in arm with a beautiful young woman. An obvious gypsy no less and felt a twinge of anger and fear rising in him. If his monster wanted a bride then why would he be spending such personal moments with a beautiful woman – a gypsy – instead of hounding work as he claimed had been doing for the past week? Victor slipped into a small group behind them and kept pace. He easily picked up on their conversation.

"Well I remember the cottage my mother raised me in. It's a quiet little farming land and it's quite large – enough for eight people – and I go back every few days as an errand but the carriage man who takes me back is only around with the morning growers. So when he sends in the produce for market he takes me back home with his profits. You would adore it there. It's a beautiful place filled with flowers of all kinds and I own a few animals. Cattle, sheep, and a few chickens. I also own three horses; two are fierce stallions and a sweet little mare." The gypsy said, handing his monster a scrap of bread. He smiled at her descriptions, names, and stories as they walked. Victor heard them discuss music, art, poetry, and so many other things together and a sudden thought wormed its way to his active thought. If his monster wanted a bride so badly, why not her? They got along well, she was enchanting for a society scourge, and it was clear that his monster was well taken by her. Victor continued tailing them for another hour before drifting away from them in anger.


	3. Three: Angry an Lonely

If I Choose You

Budykilla

Victor stormed into his laboratory fuming over what he had seen. That CREATURE dare assault him for an immortal bride and in the meantime he was gallavanting around with that gypsy whore. A filthy street rat who scams men and women of their time only to rob them blind and sneak off, what a brutal farce! He is such a incompetent brute. He actually caused sympathy in Victor with his whole burdened pains and sorrow talk it was all just so cruel and unyielding how he was being treated. Bashed by patients of poor sickened families and at his own home his creation tormented him over his ever-so-precious immortal bride. It was maddening why should he – Dr. Victor Frankenstein have to sacrifice his peace and tranquility for that disgusting abomination of his.

"Well, if he wants his bride so badly." Victor hissed as he began drawing up his plans.

"So will you be staying in the tunnels tonight?" Caliban asked.

"Oh absolutely! I find my country house so... hollow lately." Farina said.

"Hollow?" Farina's smile faltered slightly. _That taste again. It's so metallic and bitter like poison. Why do you possess such exotic and deadly sorrows?_

"W-w-well yes, you see, my mother was a strange woman to her village they believed she cursed their crops because we lived near the forest and didn't make enemies of the animals there. Unfortunately she was seen as a witch because of this but we just didn't want the animals to be resentful of us. Well long story short, my mother was claimed a with and burned at the stake, I was spared being only six years old at the time. Left alone to raise myself after they made... made me... " Farina had no idea the tears were falling until she felt her breath finally hitch at the memory. The sound of her mother, Lady Emilia, screaming, the sight of her roasting flesh; it's pale beauty scorched to a sickening charcoal. Her tears flooded her vision and fell down her cheeks as she hiccuped. Caliban stood close before wrapping his arms around her, holding the sobbing girl to his chest while her hot tears stained his jacket. He wasn't familiar with comforting others much less being comforted himself. He wasn't familiar with proper interaction with anyone really, but something in him wanted her to smile, wanted her close and happy. He wanted her nearby. Their day had been pleasant as they talked about life and recited poetry all while breaking bread together. He didn't know where this urge had come from but he knew he didn't want to abandon her while she wept, she had been alone long enough and she didn't deserve to be alone anymore – not like he did.

"There, there, Faina. It's alright" Caliban said softly. He patted her back as she cried, she gripped small clumps of his jacket in her hands as she cried. After a few minutes of crying Farina felt the darkness fade from her eyes. That oily black burning that shifted her natural color, she couldn't let Caliban see that. She still wanted to know the source of his unusual flavor, his demons were almost a buffet; one that she's gorged herself on while he held her. A delicious meal from anyone else but Caliban was a venom to her, his taste was almost making her ill now. _A sadness I can't devour... Oh Caliban, John Clare... who are you? How do you feel such poisons with being destroyed by them? How can you repel me so naturally? Why do I want to be with you... like this...? Why do I want to be with you always?_ Farina thought absent-mindedly.

"Farina?"

Farina's head snapped up. "O-oh, yes?"

"Are you alright?"

"Oh, yes, yes I'm fine now. Why don't we head to the tunnels? I don't know about you but I'm starved." Caliban smiled at her; it was small and seemed strained but nonetheless it was a genuine smile from him. Farina's cheeks flushed at the sight of it; Caliban's eyes brightened when he smiled. It was like watching fire turn to gold, radiant and beautiful but dangerous and frightening all at once.

"Sounds good." He said offering his arm. Farina stared at it a moment before taking it, her fingers tingled at the touch of him. His sorrows tasted absolutely toxic but his happiness was actually delicious a sweet cinnamon flavor liked fresh sweet rolls. So warm and calmingly tasty. She didn't realize it but she leaned onto Caliban's shoulder gripping his arm slightly tighter. Caliban glanced down at Farina. _She's a vision. Poor thing losing her mother like that, maybe that's why she is around me so often. Maybe... maybe she's lonely too. She is far too beautiful for tears._  
Caliban wiped a stray tear from her eyes and tugged her gently away to the tunnels. Holding her at little tensely, not entirely sure he knew what he was doing. Farina wrapped her arms around his waist and snuggled into his chest, her head tucked into his underarm as they walked. Farina could taste the bitterness of his sorrow. It hurt her so much which made her question it all – why is his pain unbearable, why does his happiness taste so divine, why can't I ask you these questions Mother, why did you leave me? His pain was poisonous being so close to it was making her feel ill and it made her want to be held, to be close to someone she could trust; Caliban was timid but she sensed a great deal of loyalty to those who provide kindness to him and for that she knew she could trust him.

Victor finished packing his medical bag as well as strapping his new gun to his belt. He heard a knocking at the door and opened it up to a very distraught looking Ethan Chandler.

"Mr. Chandler, what can I do for you?"

"I need your help Doc. It's Brona – my friend."

Victor paused a moment and sighed. Even though his plan was stalled he did take an oath as a medical officer. He made an oath to help people.

Caliban walked side by side with Farina as they entered the slums of the other cholera victims. It was strangely quiet today as if they were too tired to struggle against their illness. Farina sighed as she passed them – the suffering of disease easing her body from Caliban's bitterness. He told her the story of his sad, broken, and hurt life and now she understood his bitterness. He had been abandoned, mistreated, and abused – no different than Farina was. Her mother was much her creator as this Doctor Frankenstein was Caliban's but her mother was a kind and loving witch. A necromancer who gave her life and the world and a happy childhood. It burned her so deeply that she was an immortal who had privilege and suffered tragedy knowing happiness while poor Caliban merely suffered without even tasting happiness and it ached her. Most if not all people she encountered had a taste of happiness but him he was rotten with a good heart. A hope for happiness. It was tearing her apart.  
Caliban sat her down on a spare chair by his bed, he worried at how silent she had been. It made him anxious to think he silenced her with his story, she seemed so melancholy since he told her everything.  
"Caliban. Could you do me a favor?"

Caliban froze at her voice she sounded scared, but why? Now she wanted a favor too? What could she want from him?

"Caliban. Please?" Farina said holding her open arms to him.

"You want... a hug?" Caliban muttered. Farina nodded. Slowly they leaned into each other with Caliban wrapping his arms around Farina's waist and Farina's arms around his shoulders. Their bodies melded together in a perfect fit – like a puzzle piece. Farina buried her head into Caliban's shoulders, tears falling down her face as she whispered to him - "Tighter. Please Caliban, hold me tighter."


End file.
